The wheels are still turning

I do my best proofreading after I hit send. #true via Facebook

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O Canada lyrics should be changed to include: via Facebook

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Vote for Donald #Trump's new theme song. via Facebook

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#CardsForDysfunctionalFamilies Congratulations on your DNA test results. via Facebook

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Love the #JetBlue discount for passengers on flights with crying babies. I also love pinching babies on airplanes. via Facebook

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Prayers with all affected by the #FortMacFire, Northern #Alberta, especially firefighters on this International Firefighter's Day. via Facebook

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UK Couple out $1700. Booked flight from "wrong" #BirminghamAL @inbirmingham. Are you paying attention? #Promotional #opportunity #marketing via Facebook

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UK Couple out $1700. Booked flight from "wrong" Birmingham @inbirmingham. Are you paying attention? #Promotional #opportunity! #marketing via Facebook

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UK Couple out $1700. Booked flight from "wrong" #BirminghamAL @inbirmingham. Are you paying attention? #Promotional #opportunity #marketing via Facebook

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Squirrels nested in my shoes. Was in a hurry, so put shoes on anyway. Know how squirrels cross the street? Yeah, still trying. #showprep via Facebook

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Rash of the Titans #MakeAMovieSick @midnight via Facebook

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#MakeAMovieSick @midnight Schindlers Listlessness and Post-Exertional Malaise as Symptoms of Chronic Fatigue Brought On By a World War via Facebook

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Shakespeare died 400 yrs ago today. He introduced "puking" and other words to the English language. He also wrote plays. ("As You Like It.") via Facebook

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#HappyBirthdayYourMajesty So Kumho UK is giving away tires to celebrate. #marketing fail. An earlier monarch would've lopped off some heads. via Facebook

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#Canadian #TuesdayTrivia . The largest prairie dog colony ever discovered was as big as #Regina #Saskatchewan. Actually, it IS Regina. via Facebook

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IKEA now lets you visualize a new kitchen with #VirtualReality headset. Forget the reno, I'll just wear the headset. #tech #TechTuesday via Facebook

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#Vancouver Is there any other place on the planet where there's a traffic jam every weekend for the #tulipfestival? #Abbotsford via Facebook

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#BernieSanders say Verizon hasn't paid "a nickel" in taxes. Verizon: "Not true. And when can we get a payment on your cell phone bill?" via Facebook

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Textaphrenia: thinking you've heard or felt a new #text message vibration when there is no message. Weirder when it's on a phantom limb. via Facebook

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The first #webcam was trained on a #coffee pot to allow Cambridge researchers to see if coffee was ready. No better use has yet been found. via Facebook

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#NorthKorea Kim Jong-Fun signs declaration for #NationaCheeseDay. Also a declaration of war on the USA and everyone in their address book. via Facebook

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Gurgaon India renamed #Gurugram and trending on Twitter. Balgonie #Saskatchewan is now #Balloonagram. #RenameYourTown and get recognized! via Facebook

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Sign you're a politically #progressive musician: you cancel a #concert in protest of an issue nobody's thought of yet. via Facebook

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Last night I dreamt I ate three 5-ounce Angus burger patties and 3 slices of Havarti cheese sandwiched inside two personal double pepperoni pizzas. My dreams are very detailed and in colour. via Facebook

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More stuff caused by Vladimir #Putin: Camilla Parker's Bowles all wars since the Middle Ages music of Air Supply Donald Trump baldness via Facebook

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#CanuckARapper Tu4 Pac via Facebook

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#BernieSanders hoping for #canonization at the #Vatican. Or, at least that #PopeFrancis will come up say "hi." via Facebook

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Just in: Vladimir #Putin behind active volcanoes juvenile diabetes juveniles #French counter-revolution thunderstorms via Facebook

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"Indiana Jones and the Secrets of Using #Coupons to Save Money on Your #Weekly Grocery Bill." Good #marketing idea or a way to kill a movie? via Facebook

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#MakeASongTougher I Shot the Last Sheriff and Finished All the Deputies via Facebook

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#MakeASongTougher Your Love Is My Drug Cartel via Facebook

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Okay, Vladimir Putin isn't named in #PanamaLeaks, but Western #media says he's behind lost socks testosterone stolen bikes in Denmark gout via Facebook

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My wife's wearing #designer #sunglasses now, which to me means anything not from the dollar store. Where's she getting the money? via Facebook

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#TuesdayBoozeday #Canada. Some Starbucks locations serving alcohol today. Iced Honey Tequila Latte or just a Spiked Place? #smallbiz #coffee via Facebook

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The average age at a #BernieSanders rally is 30. Except when Bernie leaves the building. Then it's 20. via Facebook

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#AmazingTrivia The inventors of Bubble Wrap were originally trying to make plastic wallpaper. (They're now bouncing off the walls.) via Facebook

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#AmazingTrivia Honeybees contribute 15 billion dollars to the U.S economy ever year. (But do the pay their taxes?) via Facebook

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#RenameAFilmBadly Knight of Recyclable Coffee Cups via Facebook

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“Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.” via Facebook

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#AmazingTrivia Vending machines kill 4 times as many people per year as sharks. (Snack attack) via Facebook

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#RenameAFilmBadly Indiana Jones and the Secrets of Government of #Canada Child Tax Credits for 2016 via Facebook

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#RenameAFilmBadly Indiana Jones and the Secrets of Earning Over $500 a Day Online as a Stay-at-Home Mom in Maple Ridge. via Facebook

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Latest strange #email from my sister: "Oops! I hit the 'send' by mistake in my last email." Hitting that button always a mistake, sis. #tech via Facebook

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#Dollarama raises top prices to 4 bucks. My #business forecast is TenDollarama by the end of 2016. via Facebook

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Google has reviewed your online presence. It sucks. #AprilFools! Maybe. Call or DM for face to face help in #Vancouver #tech #smallbiz via Facebook

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Apparently, you can now search by emoji on Google. Think of the possibilities. Okay, I can't think of even one. #tech #AprilFools? via Facebook

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#RobFord's daughter is right. He is now the mayor of heaven. And not a single media person there to harass him. via Facebook

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I listened with amused interest to irate listeners calling in this morning to CBC Radio Vancouver with their take on the "proposed crow cull" in Vancouver. It was a little too obvious of an April Fool's joke methought. Especially an interviewee's suggestion that the cull could be a spectator sport for the whole family. But a whole lot of people jumped right into the birdy doo-doo, ranting global-warming and other horrible things that would arise out of this non-event. I can picture a scene from Leave It to Beaver (as I tweeted earlier). June Cleaver: "Ward, I'm worried about Vancouver people, falling for the April Fool's crow prank and a lot of other CBC radio stuff." We should all be worried:) via Facebook

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#TrustMe Latin adds class to your tweets. "Vappa ac nebulo" means "scumbag." And how about a "sterculinum publicum" for a special occasion? via Facebook

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Remembering that time I "came to" after surgery and saw the doctor missing an easy shot into the garbage bin with a paper towel-- 3 times. via Facebook

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#AmazingFact It's illegal for a bingo game to last longer than 5 hours in North Carolina. (Cancel that trip.) via Facebook

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Signed up for the #Whiskey Club and I'm quite offended at how quickly my application was approved. via Facebook

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If #PayitForward means the overdraft I'm quickly using up before payday... I'm deeply into it. via Facebook

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#Bernie supporters don't like #Hillary's #tone? What part of the expletives, screaming & bite marks don't they like? Safely #Canadian via Facebook

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Why no #selfie? Because I'm fat in all the right places. Also the wrong ones. Pretty much all over. via Facebook

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I propose a new #movie rating system. See the movie first, then pay what you think it's worth. #Rottentomatoes via Facebook

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Pulled my hamstring closing my Lazy-Boy recliner. #Exercise program hits rock bottom. via Facebook

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#ThatAwkwardMoment when Siri says "Stop talking to me and get a real girlfriend." via Facebook

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Babbling baby interrupts #Canada's federal budget speech. Babies are so amusing when they mimic the noises #politicians make. via Facebook

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Never fly a kite in a lightning storm. #ThingsBenFranklinDidntSay via Facebook

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#GetAMovieIntoShape Night of the Living Treadmill via Facebook

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New law in Surrey. Erratic drivers must wear sombreros so they can be identified. So far, it seems to be working. Mini-sombreros are acc… via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

#LoveTwitter except for lost productivity from spending all day reading Jennifer Lopez quotes. #mondaymotivation: Avoid Jennifer Lopez via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

New law in Surrey. Erratic drivers must wear sombreros so they can be identified. So far, it seems to be working. Mini-sombreros are acceptable as long as they are brightly coloured and clearly visible to other drivers. via Facebook

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#Fact In the 12th century, the Danish army consisted of seven men. (When something was rotten in Denmark these guys always took the blame.) via Facebook

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#Fact: Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants. (Since Finns no longer wear pants, the ban has been lifted.) via Facebook

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Bruce #Springsteen will reduce the number of channels in "57 Channels And Nothin' On" to just 2 channels for Skinny #TV viewers in #Canada. via Facebook

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New "skinny" Canadian channel line-up *Best of CPAC *NFB Bloopers *Moncton Real Estate Channel (not available in Moncton) #Shaw #Telus #Bell via Facebook

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Canadian cable companies promoting the CRTC-forced "basic" packages as: "Less channels you don't want and none that you do." #RabbitEars via Facebook

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#Vancouver. Atheist capital of North America. Celebrates #StPatricksDay for a full week. via Facebook

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Thanks @AM730Traffic for reporting that chair on Hwy 1. Our condo is now completely furnished thanks to your reports. Incl. 15 mattresses! via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

Still haunted by that #job application question I couldn't answer: If #MichaelJackson wasn't Billie Jean's father, then who was? via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

#Fact: Frozen lobsters can come back to life when thawed. (This has caused more injuries in the kitchen than you can imagine.) via Facebook

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#CanYouHoldIm In the middle of a hashtag contest and you'll never believe what the hashtag is... via Facebook

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Continuing my campaign to have Twitter remove "raconteur" and "bon vivant." from profiles. Such aristocratic terms for "jobless"? It's 2016! via Facebook

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#Fact: The Bible is the most shoplifted book in the world. (But those same shoplifters swear to keeping all 9 commandments.) via Facebook

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#MeteorologistSongs Doppler Radar Love via Facebook

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#MeteorologistSongs Weather Radar Love via Facebook

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#ClimateChangeASong Dust in the Windmill via Facebook

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#ClimateChangeASong Every Breath You Take (Is Depleting the Ozone and Creating Dangerous c02 Emissions) via Facebook

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#ClimateChangeASong Smells Like Green Spirit via Facebook

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#ClimateChangeASong The Solar Power of Love via Facebook

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#ClimateChangeASong Fun, Fun, Fun Til My Daddy Takes the Electric Scooter Away via Facebook

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The kind of #hotels I stay at have Murder Mysteries. Except the murders are real. And in the next room. via Facebook

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Pigeons with backpacks are monitoring air quality over #London. I'm sure #Uber has some kind of plans for pigeons. Just a matter of time... via Facebook

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#SuperTuesday So I guess you Americans are about ready to head to your bunkers now? Anything you need? Canadian chocolate bars, fresh water? via Facebook

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There's #Uber everything now. Rides. Pizza delivery. My Uber helicopter is here? But I'm waiting for the Uber ice cream truck. via Facebook

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"Chinese city shrouded in an ethereal, thick fog." Hey #Vancouver @mashable finds this is a luring headline. Sure. If you live in Kansas. via Facebook

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#SuperTuesday. You Americans and all you #super-ness! Here in #Vancouver Canada it's just #Tuesday with a chance of showers. via Facebook

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Chilling and listening to the music of the circadian rhythms for #NationalNappingDay! via Facebook

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#NationalNappingDay: another great thing invented in Canada. Still trying to get Americans to trade Zzzzz's for ZZZZEDs. via Facebook

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If you took #nationalnappingday seriously you wouldn't be reading this tweet. Twitter addiction= lost napping opportunities. via Facebook

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Millennials Flee Vancouver for More Affordable places. Shocked to find Rosemary & Bergamot Latte not available in #smalltown #Saskatchewan via Facebook

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#Fact: Sea otters hold hands when they sleep so they don't drift apart. (Please don't tell me they spoon, too.) via Facebook

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#Fact: Sea otters hold hands when they sleep so they don't drift apart. (Sleep with a sea otter to bed and find out for yourself.) via Facebook

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#DaylightSavingTime One spring long ago the government said to the people of #Saskatchewan: "Give us an hour of your time now. We'll pay yo… via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

#DaylightSavingTime One spring long ago the government said to the people of #Saskatchewan: "Give us an hour of your time now. We'll pay yo… via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

#DaylightSavingTime One spring long ago the government said to the people of #Saskatchewan: "Give us an hour of your time now. We'll pay you back in the fall. You'll have an extra hour of daylight at night. Wouldn't you like that? The people of #Saskatchewan laughed and said, "It's already daylight until 11:00 pm in the summer and the government has never paid us back for anything they've ever 'borrowed.'" And they left their clocks alone. No "springing ahead," no "falling back." The people of Saskatchewan are smarter than the rest of us. via Facebook

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So my friend's daughter's friend's dad was in the same building as #JustinBieber in #Vancouver. Why is the media not all over this? via Facebook

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#Fact: #Mushrooms are more closely related to humans than to plants. (Love mushroom soup? You cannibal!) via Facebook

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#Fraud artists targeting Millennials instead of Seniors. Millennials give up personal information easily. Seniors keep saying, "What? What?" via Facebook

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Reminder that “Daylight Saving Time” has just the one S in it... and it's a bad idea. Nothing to be saved. #LostSleep via Facebook

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#Fact: Eavesdropping was illegal in England until 1967. (At least that's what I overheard.) via Facebook

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#FridayFact: New Yorkers bite 25 times more Americans than sharks do. (Update: Donald Trump supporters bite twice that many.) via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

I felt threatened by an anti-bullying flash mob. I'm okay now. via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

Kraft Dinner has betrayed us with healthier fake cheese with no taste. KD= Kraft Deception. Classic KD lovers unite! via Facebook

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The Greater #Vancouver windstorm must be over. My neighbour's wind chimes have stopped playing a fast-paced version of "The Exorcist" theme. via Facebook

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"Professionals" and spin doctors are calling this a "Windstorm Event." I don't remember buying tickets. Stay safe West Coasters. via Facebook

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Thieves ordered pizza before robbing a Little Caesar's Pizza in #MapleRidge. Sounds well planned. Did they pay for the pizza? via Facebook

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#Fact: Beavers have transparent eyelids so they can see underwater with their eyes shut. (They wear little eye masks when they sleep.) via Facebook

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Speak up. Your voice is a powerful weapon. Unless Donald Trump is in the room. #WednesdayWisdom via Facebook

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Cool. I did some family ancestry research and found out my great-great grandfather was the guy that posed for Edvard Munch's "The Scream." via Facebook

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#Fact: Potatoes were illegal in France between 1748 and 1772. (It was called the Great #Poutine Famine.) via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

Canada Revenue Agency offering amnesty to rich tax cheaters. Amnesty AND a free toaster to those who pay in full by April 30. via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

Even after his anti-Egghead comments, 75 percent of Eggheads still support Trump. via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

Canadian #politicians are talking a lot about emissions targets. And when politicians create emissions, we know who the targets are. via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

#Fact: Insects outnumber humans by 200 million to 1. (I know. I've been to #Saskatchewan in the summer.) via Facebook

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For Canadians who don't follow my West Coast perspective, you're pretty much up Schitt's Creek. (Americans: that's a real Canadian TV show.) via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

Brilliant #telemarketing: "This is the chair store calling with news for you. Are you sitting down?" Call me for telemarketing done right. via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

#Fact: Insects outnumber humans by 200 million to 1. (I know. I've been to #Saksatchewan in the summer.) via Facebook

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#RuinAnOldSaying. Look before you leak. via Facebook

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To the people of #Newfoundland and #Labrador: I support your fight to keep Zest and Habitant mustard pickles. Preserve your heritage! via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

Sunday: #Vancouver radio announcer says "0 percent chance of rain." Monday: Search for missing announcer postponed due to rain. via Facebook

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Listen to the experts. If I offer you #marketing advice, take it. If a balding pony-tailed man gives you video game advice, take it, too. via Facebook

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#JustinTrudeau's new biography to open with "Had my dad not taken Kim Cattrall to that special performance of Oklahoma..." via Facebook

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#JustinTrudeau biography being rewritten. "Had my dad not taken Kim Cattrall to a performance of Oklahoma..." via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

If the population of China walked past you single file, it wouldn't end because of the reproduction rate. (So, not all just walking then) via Facebook

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#WhyICouldNeverBeCanadian? Let me turn the tables and state #WhyICouldNeverBeAnAmerican. My name is Graham. "Gray-um." via Facebook

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99% of people who use "raconteur" or "bon vivant" in their Twitter profile live in their parent's basement. (Some proud parents out there.) via Facebook

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New book "Cold Fire" says JFK once hung up on PM John G. Diefenbaker. If only #Canada could get that kind of attention from Americans now. via Facebook

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#AmazingTrivia The average four year old asks 400 questions a day. (Why is that, dad? Why? Why? Sorry.) via Facebook

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I finally got brave took transit in #Vancouver. It was fun for that little while they thought I was the real bus driver. via Facebook

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#Winter weather is back in much of #Canada. Be polite and please warm up your car and leave it running for that guy who's about to steal it. via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

#DonaldTrump's supporters want to let everyone know Donald was born in the USA. #Canadians want everyone to know that, too. via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

Teens in basements aren't the only ones #gaming. 47 percent are parents... who are still living in their parents basement. via Facebook

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#AmazingTrivia Your foot is the same size as the distance between your wrist and elbow. (I'm amusing myself watching you check that fact.) via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

To the kids who put shaving cream all over my car: thank you. I was going to shave my car anyway. via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

Interesting #dollarstore birthday card: "Happy birthday, you hot pudding." Ad on back for hot pudding. via Facebook

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The average #Vancouver family saves $1500 a year by buying used clothes. Double that if the clothes have a Toronto #MapleLeafs logo on them. via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

Ouch. Was that a 5 cents gas price jump in #vancouver, or should we call it #JustinTrudeau's Carbon Tax Footprint? via Facebook

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#OJSimpson Police: "We found the White Bronco.We didn't need that? Okay, then. We found a knife and a rusty hubcap. Also, a witness." via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

Big francophone festival in #PortCoquitlam this weekend. I'll be there, hoping to expand my knowledge of French Canada beyond poutine. via Facebook

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Interesting for this Canuck to all watch the unfolding of each U.S. Primary. Or as I call it, "The Pre-Apocalyptic Reality Show." via Facebook

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Saskatchewan: Deer jumps through school window. The real news: only 3 deer-smashing-through-the-window free days this year. via Facebook

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If your eyes still hurt after the #Oscars, you're suffering from #Oscar Cleavage. Same effect as staring directly at the sun. via Facebook

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How do you design an #Oscar dress with leg slits up to the armpits-- and get it to stay on? It's a wonder of fashion engineering. via Facebook

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So February gave us the gift of an extra day this year. Why did it have to be a Monday? #HappyTuesday, #HappyMarch via Facebook

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It wasn't hail that took #Toronto by surprise yesterday. It was softer stuff called graupel, which means: "know-it-all meteorologist." via Facebook

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#Friday #FirstAid Tip.The Heimlich maneuver: wait til someone's actually choking. I failed first aid with random acts of Heimlich . via Facebook

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Weight Watchers shares have plunged nearly 30%. For stakeholder Oprah Winfrey that's a $27 million loss. Weight Watchers: shed dollars fast. via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

People in India are flocking to a temple where a Hindu god is said to help grant U.S. visas. What's weird? The god looks like Donald Trump via Facebook

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Bernie Sanders says his time as a mayor prepared him 'to take on Putin.' Hoping our mayor doesn't hear this. Potholes before Putin. via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

Got a gift certificate for a day-long spa experience. Pampering to the max. Problem: I don't have a cat. via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

$21.9 million lottery winner from #KelownaBC was back on the job, as promised, the day after collecting his winnings. If he had a #Vancouv… via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

$21.9 million lottery winner from #KelownaBC was back on the job, as promised, the day after collecting his winnings. If he had a #Vancouver mortgage to pay I could understand it. via Facebook

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Many #Victoria tent city campers plan to ignore eviction order. "Be a Tourist in Your Own Home Town" campaign has proven itself effective. via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

#Vancouver bike-sharing program a go. #Unicycle and #hoverboard sharing programs set aside over safety concerns. #Kidding! via Facebook

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Brandon G. Stranzl, Executive Chairman, Sears Canada Inc: “We are working on rationalizing our store network to ensure our core store physical footprint is highly productive.” For all my criticism of the media, I have to give them credit for boiling this one down to an easily-understood: "We're closing 8 stores." I'm not sure whether Mr. Stranzl has children. I'm kind of hoping not. I envision their pleading, innocent question, "Daddy, is there a Santa Claus?" His response would be virtually guaranteed to produce more than simple confusion. Were he to subject his children to a steady string of such corporate gobbledygook-speak, the ensuing psychosis would undoubtedly eventually lead to his children becoming mass-murderers. Envision a rampage starting with their own daddy and progressing all the way to the North Pole. My sympathy to the staff of the eight GTA, Vancouver-area and Moncton Sears staff who will be losing their jobs-- as well as those who will keep their jobs long enough to read more of Brandon G. Stranzl's memos. Dare I throw a further comment from Mr. Stranzl on the store closings? Yes, I must. “Our focus is on converting each and every customer at stores with less efficient footprints into customers of our more efficient and best performing stores.” Does this mean there will be some sort of change in the Sears shoe department? via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

Brandon G. Stranzl, Executive Chairman, Sears Canada Inc: “We are working on rationalizing our store network to ensure our core store physical footprint is highly productive.” For all my criticism of the media, I have to give them credit for boiling this one down to an easy-understood: "We're closing 8 stores." I'm not sure whether Mr. Stranzl has children. I'm kind of hoping not. I envision their pleading, innocent question, "Daddy, is there a Santa Claus?" His response would be virtually guaranteed to produce more than simple confusion. Were he to subject his children to a steady string of such corporate gobbledygook-speak to his kids, the ensuing psychosis would undoubtedly eventually lead to his children becoming mass-murderers. Envision a rampage starting with their own daddy and progressing all the way to the North Pole. My sympathy to the staff of the eight GTA, Vancouver-area and Moncton Sears staff who will be losing their jobs-- as well as those who will keep their jobs long enough to read more of Brandon G. Stranzl's memos. Dare I throw a further comment from Mr. Stranzl on the store closings? Yes, I must: “Our focus is on converting each and every customer at stores with less efficient footprints into customers of our more efficient and best performing stores.” Does this mean there will be some sort of change in the Sears shoe department? via Facebook

The wheels are still turning

"Calvary Wine Country.” It's an interesting name for a church, di-vine-ly inspired, even? Well, no. It's because the church is in that part of California known as the Temecula Wine Country. Calvary Wine Country now finds itself in a bit of a fix. It plans to expand, but there's a problem. After the church was built, Riverside County changed the zoning rules on churches in Temecula Wine Country. It seems Pharisees and tax collectors never tire of their meddlesome work. Thus Calvary Wine Country is a big ol' lonely church in a sea of grapes. The local political busy-bodies have apparently forgotten that Jesus' first miracle was turning water into wine. They're also forgotten that a priest, Father Junipero Sera, the "Father of California Wine," planted the first known vineyard in California-- which spawned many more mission vineyards over the years. I happen to think a church surrounded by vineyards is a beautiful thing, bearing in mind that Jesus did tell some sad and frightening parables about vineyards. Riverside County officials seem hell-bent on creating one of their own. Are these taxpayer-funded sour-grapers anti-religious or are they just doing what politicians often to so well? That is, creating a "problem" and then making it appear that they are trying to "fix" it. Or, maybe they're just drunk on the fruit of the vine. via Facebook

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Devil worshipers, bacon and ancient scrolls. A tasty, guilty pleasure to read about (I am sure). Okay, so I'm the 6 billionth person to discover headline generators online, but being able to to "create" headlines like "The Ancient Scrolls About Bacon That Devil Worshipers Shouldn't See Before They're 30" is too delightful for me not to spend a "few" moments with-- just to see if they match the bizarre internet-influenced headlines I create in my head whilst "working" online. Yup, they're pretty comparable. Just a few more I must share: *51 Sex Tips Some Tall Women Post On Facebook *This Woman Was Asked To Leave Twitter Due To Her Giant Nostrils. You Won't Believe What Happens Next. *21 Crows That Look Like Pope Benedict XVI And on and on it goes. Hey, have some fun with it. It's Friday! http://ift.tt/14z3ccw via Facebook

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I used to think that media outlets like CNN actually created their own absurd headlines and then made up stories to fit them. Maybe they actually did that "back in the day" but's all automated now. Here's how the professional media fibbers do it. They just plug into the Random Catchy Headline Generator like I did and get: Sarah Palin's Top 5 Fascinating Dating Tips 15 Terrifying Things Receptionists Are Hiding From You Oprah's 20 Practical Joke Writing Secrets Beyoncé's 10 Hilarious Trumpet Playing Tips 10 Mind-Blowing Woodworking Tips From Will Smith Actually, looking at the results, I think CNN is just lying too hard or using a generator with a few bugs in it. They need to chill a bit and let the mouse do ALL the work. http://ift.tt/XW0tqv Danger, danger! I've discovered more of these "generators" online. One has inspired me, should I ever become homeless, to become that awesome homeless "Poet" with the "The Awe-inspiring Twenty Second Video" that "Delighted The Internet." http://ift.tt/1c0Ajnl via Facebook